Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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