He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
