There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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