My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
