I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
