I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My ass is underappreciated
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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