I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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