...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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