Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
