went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
