They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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