the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
