She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
