I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize