quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
