i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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