Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
