i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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