i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Randomize
