p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
