I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
