and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
