I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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