my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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