If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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