i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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