the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
