There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think my moral compass just broke
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
