dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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