Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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