i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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