so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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