so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
