Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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