my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
