Nicole vs. Life
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
