Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
