For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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