i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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