I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
