he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
