mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
one might say we're banned from that church
what day is it and did you see me today?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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