i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
