Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
