reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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