You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
