sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
