It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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