Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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