Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
