So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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