Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
