We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
