I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
