Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
