how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
