My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I need to calm my uterus...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
