Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
