There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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