Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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