Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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