you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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