The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's a Shit stain on my heart
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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