This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
