im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
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apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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