ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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