i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
