the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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