used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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