Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
