Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
